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Starting my career in education, advice on classroom management came from everyone and everywhere. It didn’t take long to realize there was no one-size-fits-all, do-this-and-things-go-perfectly system - every class has its own unique and ever-changing needs. But no matter what blog, manual, or book I turned to, one truth stood out: building strong relationships with and among learners is the foundation of a successful classroom. A connected classroom is a thriving classroom - one where students feel safe, valued, and empowered to learn.
When learners are missing a sense of trust and connection with their educators or peers, challenges in the classroom multiply. Participation dwindles, conflicts escalate, and students are less likely to take risks in their learning. An environment without strong relationships can feel transactional rather than meaningful, creating a space where students are trying to “get through” the day rather than truly engaging. For educators, this lack of connection can make every interaction feel like an uphill battle, draining energy and making classroom management far more difficult.
As 3rd-4th grade educators this year, we wanted intentional relationship-building practices woven into our daily routines. These types of practices aren’t exclusive to life at school - while it might feel silly, taking intentional time to build relationships at home is just as important! We tried (and failed!) with a bunch of different techniques gathered from other educators, both in person and online - here are our favorites that worked:
The Compliment Wall
The Compliment Wall has been a game-changer for building a positive and supportive classroom culture. Before we begin, we circle up as a group to discuss what makes a meaningful compliment—something specific, genuine, and uplifting. Then, each learner draws a classmate’s name from a hat and writes a compliment on a sticky note. They can choose to sign their names or keep it anonymous, which helps ease any pressure.
Educators approve the compliments before they’re posted to ensure they are thoughtful and appropriate. At the end of the day, the sticky notes are displayed in a visible place—a board, a bench, or even once, a GaGa ball pit! Watching learners find and read their compliments is a joy - everyone is smiley and buzzing with excitement. The Compliment Wall encourages learners to recognize each other's strengths, deepening their understanding of one another and reinforcing a positive community.
Appreciation, Apology, Aha
This simple reflection exercise helps learners develop self-awareness and emotional intelligence. As often as we can, learners take time to think about three things:
Appreciation: Something or someone they are grateful for
Apology: Something they wish to make amends for
Aha: A learning moment they experienced
Encouraging learners to share these in a group setting fosters vulnerability, accountability, and growth. Expressing gratitude strengthens bonds, offering apologies promotes social repair, and sharing learning moments normalizes not knowing everything (because learning is a lifelong process!). This activity creates a classroom environment where students feel safe to reflect, share, and support one another.
Lunch Party
Sometimes, the best relationship-building happens when there’s no structured goal—just time to relax and connect. That’s why Lunch Party has quickly become our favorite tradition. Every Friday, we randomly select four learners to join us for a special lunch in a different setting. A simple tablecloth on the ground and a couple of battery-powered candles transform the space into something super exciting.
During Lunch Party, we eat together, tell stories, and play games. There’s no pressure to complete a task or work on a project—just pure, unstructured social time. This tradition helps learners form friendships outside of their usual circles and allows them to bond with educators in a way that feels natural, fun, and humanizing. We can easily see this practice going home with parents and guardians through creating your own simple, special, and intentional hangout routines. Set up a tablecloth and some pillows and you’ve got Sunday funday picnics on the living room floor - yes please!
Modeling Healthy Relationships
At the heart of all of this is us, the adults. The way we interact with each other and with our learners sets the tone. We make a point to model:
Playful teasing and lightheartedness in ways that feel inclusive, never mean-spirited. 3rd and 4th graders want to joke around with each other, but they need to learn how!
Boundary-setting, demonstrating how to communicate needs and respect others'.
Admitting our mistakes, showing that it’s okay to be wrong and important to make things right.
Active listening, letting learners know that their voices are important and we take the time to hear them.
When learners see adults treating each other with kindness, humor, and respect, they mirror those behaviors in their own interactions. They learn firsthand what it looks like to navigate relationships in a healthy way.
Creating a connected classroom is about being intentional. When learners feel safe, seen, and valued, they are more engaged, more willing to take risks, and more likely to grow socially and academically!
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